Shopping for Desires!!

Shopping with the boys was so much fun!!! I wanted to blog about this before I forget!!

First, I took Jaxon to Target. He has had his eye on this Batman castle thing for a long time! But, it was $50 and Jaxon never has that kind of money. But, last Wednesday he did!! We arrived at Target, I told Jaxon that he could buy whatever he wanted. He said, "WHATEVER I WANT?!?!" It was too cute! Jaxon was skipping through the aisles and he knew right where he was going. When we got to the toy section, he walked down the Lego aisle and I expected him to pick out at least a Lego set or two. But he didn't. He went right to the Batman Castle and said, "I want that." There was also a ninja castle right below the Batman one. Both of the castles were on sale, so Jaxon had enough money! He tried to buy a few other things, but we had a budget lesson and he decided on the castles. :) I let him carry his $100 bill from electronics to the cash register. He was skipping and dancing and swinging his money around. I got a few funny looks from women passing by.

We got to the register and because both things were on sale, Jaxon's total was $100.10. I did not have ANY cash in my wallet, so I had to put the other 10 cents on my debit card. But, Jaxon was super excited!!

We took Payton & Evan shopping after school. Payton wanted to go to Academy. He has had his eye on this Nokoma baseball glove for over a year. The price? $189.00. He wanted it last year and we told him that we weren't going to buy it for him. But, that's the one and only thing he wanted to buy. He was done! :)

Evan was super excited about shopping! Of course, he was stuck in the Lego aisle!! He bought one of every Lego Batman he could buy! There is 1 more Joker castle thing that I think I'm going to buy for him because Target didn't have it. He bought some Beyblades and we were done! When he was putting things in the cart, I kind of lost track of his money, so when we got to the registers, he had gone over $20 so I made him put one Lego set back. I'm not sure that was the right decision (after all, we were going after desires), but that's what we did and he was fine with that.

Payton has bought a new bat and that's about it. Payton has been interesting to watch. He was pretty humble last week. I think he was shocked. Aaron asked him if he felt loved and normally he would have just been so annoyed that we even asked. That night, he said, "Yes," and left it at that. I think he was shocked.

That was one of the funnest days of my life.

Going After Desires

This journey that we have been on has been interesting. Learning to be ourselves, learning what we believe about God and why, being honest, being 100% me.

I really hoped that we could go through this process without our kids having to feel it or go through it. That has not been my reality lately.

Evan hasn't been sleeping through the night for quite some time. At first, he was afraid there was going to be another tornado. Then, he had dreams about them and was waking up several times a night. Last week, I decided that maybe it would help him if I slept in his room for a week or two to help him feel safe. I also thought he just needed to learn how to go back to sleep on his own. So, I've been sleeping in his floor for a week and a half.

But, he has been struggling. He feels like we are spending all our time and money on Payton and his baseball endeavors. There is some truth to this. Payton is playing select, which means we are traveling once a month, there's uniforms to buy, there's extra "accessories" (sweatshirts, etc). For Evan, it just feels like a lot.

The other night, I sat Evan down and asked him what was wrong, He feels like Payton has Aaron, Jaxon has me, and he's just left out. My heart sank. He also told me that he feels like we care about his needs, but we don't care about the things he just really wants. That has been true.

Evan has been drooling over this Lego set for what seems like forever. However, Evan feels like he cannot save his money (I know this feeling) and it's something he can never obtain.

Then, there's Payton's birthday today. We had decided that we were going to give Payton $200 for his birthday and let him figure out how and what to do with it. We were sitting in the kitchen the other day and asked Payton how much money he would want. He just kept saying, "Why? You'll never give it to me." Finally, we got him to tell us that he wants $600.

Aaron and I hadn't told him how much our plan was, but between us, we decided to bump it up to $300.

Then, it hit me. What if we gave Payton the whole $600? I mean, we have it in savings. Our kids have learned to work for money and if you want things, you have to work, but I feel like we've been "nickel and diming" our kids and not just giving to them because they're our children and we really want to partner with those desires. . . kind of like God. I know God would take care of my needs, but my desires. . . not so sure. And, if I'm supposed to be a picture of God to my children, I'm just repeating that cycle.

So, I had this crazy idea to give Payton the $600. I mean, he was brave enough to throw a number out there! Then, there's Evan. What if he got to go buy that Lego set he's been wanting forever?!? Just because.

Then, Jaxon has wanted this Batman play thing forever. Same thing as Evan -- it's $55 and Jaxon gets $3 every 2 weeks for his allowance. . . not going to happen.

So, this morning, we gave Payton $600 for his birthday. We gave Evan $300 for whatever he wants. Jaxon got $100 to spend on whatever he wants.

Evan woke up first and found his money. He came out of his room and said, "Please tell me these are not fake." Then, he said, "I'm going to go give one of these to Payton."

Payton didn't have much of a reaction on the outside (we knew that would probably happen). The main thing he did say was "I can't believe you actually did it." Payton had homework to do from the night before, but he did it without complaining.

Then, the boys wanted to go wake Jaxon up. I heard them in there saying, "Jaxon, you need to wake up. You have $100 on your bed that you can use to spend on whatever you want!" Jaxon came out of his room waving that $100 bill around with a half sleepy face but a gigantic smile!

We did talk to the boys about how this might not be an all the time occurrance. There will be things that we can't afford and we're going to tell them that if they really desire something, ask God for it and give Him a chance to come through.

And in the middle of all of that, one of my desires was met last night. Backpacks for Kids is coming to a close and as of last night, I was in the hole about $900. Friday is coming and I don't have enough food to make full sacks for the kids, but I owe the food bank and so I can't order any more food.

I was talking to someone last night and they said, "I have $917 that needs to be spent (given). Would that help?" I almost fainted!! I don't feel like I've been stressing about this money, but I have been frustrated and not sure where it was going to come from. Especially since I just gave my kids $1000, which I could have used for backpacks. But, they were far more important and my desire still was met. :)

I know my fear has been that I will raise kids who are spoiled brats. But, I believe that while right now, those desires are very carnal and their rooms will have more toys in them that eventually, they will not want to pick up. But, I want my kids to know that I'll partner with their desires no matter what they are. I think God is that way. ;)

Right now, we are partnering with Payton's desire to play baseball. That kid really wants to play in the major leagues. He loves the game. So, we are doing what we can to partner with that -- playing on a select team, pitching lessons, cleats, etc.

Evan loves Legos. I hate picking up Legos and I hate stepping on them in the middle of the night, but if Legos is Evan's passion right now, I'll partner with that. And at the end of the day, he feels loved and it opens up our relationship because he now knows that when he talks to me, I listen.

Jaxon loves superheroes. He's like my little buddy. I'm excited to take him shopping. Can you imagine being a 4 year old with $100 and going to Target and being told that you can buy whatever you want?!?! This is going to be fun!! :)

Another part of this is that I had to tell Aaron my idea. That's been scary in the past. What if he didn't like it? What if he thought it was stupid? I had to take a risk. I had to be myself and I had to give exactly what I was thinking. It felt great! I think that even if Aaron hadn't agreed to it, I still would have felt great. I was 100% honest with how I was feeling and what I was thinking. That in itself is a success! :)

And, as I'm typing this, I feel like this is one of the best days of my life. Is this how God feels when He meets one of our desires -- even carnal ones? Does God get excited knowing that He's about to do something big for us? I would like to think so.