Shopping Vent . . Being Content

Oh how I hate clothes shopping!! If I have said it once, I've said it a million times -- I HATE CLOTHES SHOPPING!! UGH! I drove to my parents' house this weekend so I could go shopping with my sister to buy clothes for NYC. It's been a good stay with them and that's been great.

I love shopping with my sister. Usually when we go in a store, I head straight to the dressing room and she starts bringing me stacks of clothes. Some clothes I would have picked out for myself, but most of the time there are things that I never would have pulled off of the rack. We laugh and have a good time. The good thing is that I don't get overwhelmed by racks and racks of clothes -- she takes care of that for me. I don't get overwhelmed trying to put an outfit together -- she does that for me.

So, I got up this morning excited about shopping with Sally. We headed to Amarillo. . . first stop -- the mall. OK, somehow we ended up in Baby Gap first. Yes, I know nothing in there was going to fit me, but I needed an outfit for Jaxon for pictures next week. BINGO!! Found one. . . and a few others, but I only bought the one. We're off to a good start!!!

JCPenneys, Bealls, Dillards (for 2 hours). . . I walked out with some shirts for Evan. At this point, we aren't doing very well. The weird thing is that Sally isn't doing very good either!! We aren't finding anything for us!! New York & Company -- 1 pair of jeans for $6!! We decide to ditch the mall.

OK it's 3 pm and we haven't eaten lunch so we head to Sharky's. . best thing of the day!!

We then went to Kohl's. . . one shirt for $7. Old Navy. . nothing. Avenue . . . nothing. By this time, I have given up on clothes shopping. I'm just thinking that nothing is going to fit unless I have some liposuction and a tummy tuck, so there's no point in shopping anymore. I'm so done!! Lane Bryant . . one shirt for $10. Kirklands. . . World Market. . . shhhh! But the fact is that I didn't buy anything in Kirkland's or World Market either!!

So, I had this revelation in New York and Company today. My sister and I were sharing a dressing room -- bad idea, by the way. Sure didn't help me with my body image!! She put on this sweater that looked great on her, but she was picking it apart. It made her hips look to wide and the sleeves weren't long enough and it made her look flat and the pants she was trying on made her butt look huge.

Now, if you've seen my sister, you would know that she is as skinny as they come. I was standing there thinking, "I would love to look like her!" I thought that if I looked like her, I would wear whatever I wanted and be able to fit into whatever I pulled off the rack! So, I told her that I didn't want to hear about how wide her hips were or how big her butt was because I would love to look like her. She said, "Oh no you wouldn't. It's not as easy as you think."

From that point on, God started talking to me about being content. I've been very discontent lately in several areas. Today it was in my size. I've bought 3 pairs of jeans in the last few weeks and they are the biggest size I've ever had to buy. I tried on shirts and they fit except around my stomach. Now, I know you're saying, "Rachel, you just had a baby." To that I say that it doesn't matter to me. I still had to buy those jeans in that size. I still had a hard time finding a shirt to fit. I still got disappointed at how many items of clothing I tried on today to walk away with 3 things!

Then, there are working moms. . . oh how I THINK I want to be one. I look at Trish who gets to do what she loves every day. I'm having to find a babysitter so I can go to meetings and maybe one day I'll get my new office pulled together and actually get to use it. Please don't hear me say that my kids are a nuisance to me. Not what I'm saying at all. I love them to pieces and I honestly wouldn't trade staying home with them. That's why I said I THINK I want to be one. . . God just revealed to me an area where I've been discontent. Then, Trish is looking back at me and wishing she could be home with her kids. (Trish, I'm just using you as an example).

GOSH! Why is being content sometimes so hard? Is it the "striving" that is so ingrained in us -- be more, do more, have more? Is it the perfection (or the imperfection)? Is there always someone who looks better? Will I ever be good enough for myself?

As I'm typing this, I keep hearing, "Be still and know that I am God. The joy of the Lord is my strength." As I go to bed tonight after a long day, I go to bed with a smile on my face and determined to be content in every area . . . even while wearing those size ______ jeans.