Man, I feel like a woman!

I just want to testify to what God has done in me without me knowing what He was doing!!

Since we didn't have children's church in December, I really wanted to take some time to say, "Whatever you want to do, God, I'm on board." Well, December was so busy -- just busy. But, what I didn't realize is that God was taking my hurt -- something that had hurt so bad -- and He was healing it.

If you've read my blog, you read my "November 15th" post about the baby that I had in high school. During the month of November, I felt like I was 17 again. I remember being at home and not feeling like an adult. It is something really hard to explain. I just felt like I was 17 in my normal life. But, if you've read that post, I told God that I was taking my hand off of a wound that I had kept covered up for 12 years and I was going to allow Him to clean it out and heal it the right way.

In November, I did grieve for J. And, it was only a few days and I felt like my grieving time was over. In December, I felt this weird "I want to buy clothes and I want to wear makeup" thing. For all of my life, I've NEVER liked shopping for clothes and I've wore makeup on a few occassions, but never had much interest. And, I have never felt beautiful. No matter what people have said or done, I never felt like I was beautiful and I felt like no matter what I did, I would never be that. But, on the other hand, I didn't WANT to be beautiful because beautiful people were noticed -- they got attention -- something I didn't want.

On New Year's Eve at church, after baptisms, I had 2 people come up to me and tell me how beautiful I was and for the first time, I believed it. I felt it. After the second person came up to me, I just said, "Thank you. It's just something God is doing in me." She said, "Well, it looks good on you."

On Friday, I had a hair appointment -- not with the hair fairy (long story) -- but at the same place. I went in there and told the lady that I wanted whatever she wanted to do with my hair. We found this cut that I really liked and she thought it would look nice, so we went for it.

I didn't realize how long my hair had gotten!! It was a good few inches below my shoulders!! She started cutting and I really liked it. Then, she colored it. That took forever, but I have really thick hair. The lady was great to talk to and I talked to her about children's ministry. (I think it was hard for her to believe that woman was a children's "pastor" and not my husband -- but that's for another post).

Anyway, when she got all done, I wasn't sure if I was all about the color. It cost $85 for her to do all of that to my hair and for $85, I wished the color was a little more drastic.

But, as I was driving home, I heard about a new book "Famine to Fairytale". It's the story of Naomi and Ruth. When I heard that, I knew I had to get it. And, as I was driving, I realized what God had been doing.

He has been restoring my womanhood. I've never felt like a woman. I've always felt like a little girl. Now, I feel like a woman. I was reminded while I was driving about a word that I received a few years ago. I had gone back to Enid and there was a prophet there who always read my mail, but it was always awesome. I was really missing Oklahoma and our church body there. At the end, she had a prayer time and she gave me a word that went something like this:

God has placed you there. He has placed you there for a purpose higher than yourself. One day there is going to be this sudden shift -- an all of a sudden shift -- and you are going to come out glorious. You are going to be like Ruth. God will bring you to that place just like he did Ruth. Until then, glean in the fields. Glean in the fields.

Gosh!! I wish I could find that word. I have it written down somewhere on a yellow notepad, but I'm going to have to find it. So, I went home and studied about Ruth & Naomi. Ruth went to be with her mother-in-law and she worked in the fields. She worked in the fields picking up the leftover pieces of wheat. While she was working in the fields, Boaz noticed how beautiful she was. She eventually became his wife and Naomi and Ruth were no longer poor, but they were royalty.

I looked up the word GLEAN and here is what it means:

glean /glin/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[gleen] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–verb (used with object) 1. to gather slowly and laboriously, bit by bit.
2. to gather (grain or the like) after the reapers or regular gatherers.
3. to learn, discover, or find out, usually little by little or slowly.
–verb (used without object) 4. to collect or gather anything little by little or slowly.
5. to gather what is left by reapers.

I wasn't sure how that fit into "my story", but I thought it had to be about children's ministry, but it wasn't.

God had gone back and helped me pick up the pieces -- bit by bit -- and He's healed it. I feel like God has restored my womanhood. I feel restored. I care about hair and makeup -- like girls are supposed to do. (Girls, let me say that if you don't care about hair and makeup, that doesn't mean you aren't a woman.) I'm just saying, for me, I've always WANTED to care about those things, but couldn't figure out how.

So many people who saw my new haircut this morning told me how beautiful I looked. I felt it. I feel beautiful. I feel confident. There has been that "all of a sudden shift" and it feels good. I feel like a new person. I feel like I am beautiful -- on the outside and inside.

I am so glad that I serve a God that can do things without me even noticing.

Off to a meeting -- maybe I can finish this later or maybe later I'll find the rest of that prophecy and put it on here.