Monday, January 29, 2007
For all you TV Buffs
I have to have some game show music for ESC Sunday. I searched ALL DAY LONG (not kidding) to find some game show music. A guy sent me a link this evening that has theme songs for every TV show imaginable. Now, I can't decide which one to choose. I can't tell you what we're doing. . . just tell me your all time favorite game show music and I'll go from there. It can be recent or it can be old (well, older than some).
Monday, January 22, 2007
What's Your Ring Tone?!?! =)
Today I got my new phone -- a PINK one!!! I want the coolest ringtone!! My phone has it where you can designate a different ringtone for each person. So, what is your ringtone? What do you think my ringtone should be? This should get some comments!!!
No Distractions. . .
Yesterday in children's church, we had over 60 kids -- actually closer to 70 kids. WOW!! It was wild and crazy!!! Today I felt like I was supposed to blog about what happened:
All last week, when I would try to prepare for Sunday morning, I just felt like I couldn't. I felt like God was going to do something and there was no need for me to prepare because it wasn't going to go as I planned anyway.
So, we got there yesterday morning and as I was meeting with my team and we were praying before we opened our doors, I heard it again, "Don't let things be a distraction today from what I'm (God) going to do." I told my team that no matter if we had kids running all over the place during our worship/prayer time, we were not going to let them distract us. We needed to keep those kids who were running around safe, but don't let them distract us.
So, we started out and we were talking about prayer yesterday -- the "do's and don'ts" of prayer. Although I believe there is no such thing as a perfect prayer, I had 3 examples of things we're not supposed to do while praying. One was praying just so everyone can hear us and using big words to impress those around us. One was doing it out of obligation -- like praying at dinner and rolling our eyes because someone is praying too long. The last one was just babbling -- saying things over and over and over and over and over again.
Anyway, I told the kids that we were going to go into a time of worship and prayer and I didn't want them to let anyone distract them from praying and worshipping. I had some of my team members come to the front and I told the kids that if they wanted prayer for anything, that we would pray with them. The first song started out and kids immediately started running in the back. I just had to close my eyes and CHOOSE to not be distracted by the kids jumping from couch to couch in the back (Yes, we had a worker there trying to contain them. The kids weren't just back there as a major accident waiting to happen.)
We had kids come down for prayer and a few of the kids were really worshipping God. We had 3 girls that had hurt their wrists last week. They all came down for prayer. I noticed during our fast song that they were all being very easy to clap. We prayed for them and ALL 3 of them said their wrists were healed after we prayed. One even started waving her hand saying, "Look!! I can move it!!!"
Another little girl came down for an earache and after we prayed, she said she felt better.
Another little girl came down. It was her first time to the ESC and she was in the 3rd grade, I think. Her dad works on power lines and travels to go help in disasters to restore power. I guess that recently her dad's partner had been seriously injured while working on a power line. He was ok, but it put a great fear in this girl. Krissy began to pray for her and I didn't hear was Krissy was saying, but I knew God was touching that little girl. Tears began to go down her cheeks. Krissy just kept praying and when Krissy was done, that little girl gave her the biggest hug -- not because Krissy did anything other than pray, but because that little girl felt God that morning.
That same little girl was in my small group afterwards and someone else wanted us to pray for her that she wouldn't be afraid. I said that we would, but that girl looked at me and just smiled. The fear that was on her before wasn't there anymore. We just prayed that God would protect her dad while he was at work. Let me tell you, that little girl didn't leave there the same way she came in.
So, I was thinking yesterday about all that stuff and why it all happened and how easy it was. I felt like the whole reason all of that happened is because we weren't distracted. By the end of our worship time (only 2 songs), more than 1/2 of the kids were in the back running around, but those who chose to worship were all about it!! As for my leaders, Krissy usually would have been one of the ones in the back running around chasing those "distractions", but instead she prayed for a little girl and she was set free.
From now on, I'm NOT going to be distracted from what God wants to do. I have no doubt that as our "core" group starts to really worship and move with God, those "distractions" one by one will want what those other ones want and before long, every child will be entering in and when it's time to stop be disappointed.
All last week, when I would try to prepare for Sunday morning, I just felt like I couldn't. I felt like God was going to do something and there was no need for me to prepare because it wasn't going to go as I planned anyway.
So, we got there yesterday morning and as I was meeting with my team and we were praying before we opened our doors, I heard it again, "Don't let things be a distraction today from what I'm (God) going to do." I told my team that no matter if we had kids running all over the place during our worship/prayer time, we were not going to let them distract us. We needed to keep those kids who were running around safe, but don't let them distract us.
So, we started out and we were talking about prayer yesterday -- the "do's and don'ts" of prayer. Although I believe there is no such thing as a perfect prayer, I had 3 examples of things we're not supposed to do while praying. One was praying just so everyone can hear us and using big words to impress those around us. One was doing it out of obligation -- like praying at dinner and rolling our eyes because someone is praying too long. The last one was just babbling -- saying things over and over and over and over and over again.
Anyway, I told the kids that we were going to go into a time of worship and prayer and I didn't want them to let anyone distract them from praying and worshipping. I had some of my team members come to the front and I told the kids that if they wanted prayer for anything, that we would pray with them. The first song started out and kids immediately started running in the back. I just had to close my eyes and CHOOSE to not be distracted by the kids jumping from couch to couch in the back (Yes, we had a worker there trying to contain them. The kids weren't just back there as a major accident waiting to happen.)
We had kids come down for prayer and a few of the kids were really worshipping God. We had 3 girls that had hurt their wrists last week. They all came down for prayer. I noticed during our fast song that they were all being very easy to clap. We prayed for them and ALL 3 of them said their wrists were healed after we prayed. One even started waving her hand saying, "Look!! I can move it!!!"
Another little girl came down for an earache and after we prayed, she said she felt better.
Another little girl came down. It was her first time to the ESC and she was in the 3rd grade, I think. Her dad works on power lines and travels to go help in disasters to restore power. I guess that recently her dad's partner had been seriously injured while working on a power line. He was ok, but it put a great fear in this girl. Krissy began to pray for her and I didn't hear was Krissy was saying, but I knew God was touching that little girl. Tears began to go down her cheeks. Krissy just kept praying and when Krissy was done, that little girl gave her the biggest hug -- not because Krissy did anything other than pray, but because that little girl felt God that morning.
That same little girl was in my small group afterwards and someone else wanted us to pray for her that she wouldn't be afraid. I said that we would, but that girl looked at me and just smiled. The fear that was on her before wasn't there anymore. We just prayed that God would protect her dad while he was at work. Let me tell you, that little girl didn't leave there the same way she came in.
So, I was thinking yesterday about all that stuff and why it all happened and how easy it was. I felt like the whole reason all of that happened is because we weren't distracted. By the end of our worship time (only 2 songs), more than 1/2 of the kids were in the back running around, but those who chose to worship were all about it!! As for my leaders, Krissy usually would have been one of the ones in the back running around chasing those "distractions", but instead she prayed for a little girl and she was set free.
From now on, I'm NOT going to be distracted from what God wants to do. I have no doubt that as our "core" group starts to really worship and move with God, those "distractions" one by one will want what those other ones want and before long, every child will be entering in and when it's time to stop be disappointed.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
My Sister Hears From God
Today I got a phone call from my sister. My sister and I are pretty close and we talk fairly often -- but not as often as I would like. But, she called today and this phone conversation was really encouraging to me.
She called to talk because we haven't talked in a few weeks. I asked her what was going on and she said that she gave her 3 week notice yesterday at her job and was starting a new job in 3 weeks. This was quite a shock for me. She has worked at the same place for the last 6 years and has loved her job. Her "title" is pretty long, but she's the Administrative Assistant to the guy who's title is about 10 words long. . so his 10-word-title follows "Administrative Assistant". Anyway, she works in this fancy building with these "big-wig" people who know some even bigger "big-wig (and famous)" people. She talks on the phone to people all over the world. She is involved in helping set up famous people for big events for the company she works for. She's responsible for making and sending out thousands of fliers for events. She started out in Customer Service and had to memorize this manual that was THICK!! It is huge, but she did it. Everyone there loves her and she's free to just be Sally -- which is sometimes a little "dingy", but she's free to be who she is.
The problem with this job is that it's very stressful. There are 3 administrative assistants for the department she works in. 2 of them have quit over the last few months and they haven't replaced them yet. So, Sally's been doing their work, plus her own. She's had all of these projects going on where she works her butt off on one and when she's finished, she starts another one -- all without someone even telling her that they appreciate how she's stepped up and doing 3 people's job while getting paid for 1.
Last year, she was having some major stomach problems. She was losing weight -- with NONE to lose, literally. She was starting to look anorexic, although there was no way that she was. She had dr. appointment after dr. appointment and the final word was that it was stress. When your stress levels rise, it causes your stomach to produce more stomach acid, which processes your food faster. So, no matter how much she ate, she would be hungry in about 2 hours again. Her stomach was just processing her food too fast due to the stress. They put her on some medicine and it helped, but she only gained 2 pounds back. (I know. . opportunity to get jealous over that one!)
Anyway, a job opening came up at the prison there. What's weird is that my brother is a prison guard there (crazy, but true) and her job will be the administrative assistant to the warden. She is getting better pay, more vacation days, more sick days, better benefits, and the warden told her that to him (and I quote what she said he said), "Every day is a Friday to me. I don't have Mondays. If you come in my office and try to have a Monday, I'll tell you to leave and not come back until it's a Friday for you." What he means is -- there is no stress here.
Sally has been trying to get pregnant since last June. Lately she's become really frustrated in the whole process. I remember going through the almost exact same thing when we were trying to get pregnant with Payton. I had a miscarriage and it took us another year before we conceived Payton and I know my situation had to do with my job stress, too.
So, yesterday, she gave her 3 week notice and told them that it was just a better job for her. Her boss (who she LOVES) just kind of looked down his nose at her because she was going to go work at the prison. It really broke her heart. The "boss lady" over him called Sally into her office and asked her what was going on. Sally just told her that she's been working 3 jobs in that office and it was stressing her out. Her stomach's been acting up again and the other job has the better benefits (see above). They tried to make her another offer, but she wouldn't budge. She was crying because she felt like she had "screwed them over" by quitting.
Here's where it gets encouraging:
The "big boss lady" told Sally, "I want you to go home and pray about it over the weekend. Don't make any decision until you do."
Here was Sally's response:
She said, "I've already prayed about it. It was kind of an accident that I found out about it and it looked like I wasn't going to get it. But, I just prayed and told God that if the job was to be mine, then I would get it. I know that God has a plan for me and I know this is it. It's all the things I need in a job -- low stress level, benefits, better pay. It's God's way of saying, 'I have better things for you to do.' "
Now, my sister and I don't talk a lot about God. I know she believes in God and I know that she's saved, but I don't know much more than that. I'm so excited that she HAD prayed about it and she DID hear God on it and she wasn't AFRAID to just say that!!
So, I'm asking you to pray for her these things:
1. Pray that she will have strength over the next 3 weeks at her current job to finish strong. Pray that they will still show her the same love and respect they've showed her over the last 6 years of her being there and that it wouldn't be an awkward 3 weeks between them.
2. Pray that she will conceive a child soon. They don't have any children and she would be the "perfect little mommy".
She called to talk because we haven't talked in a few weeks. I asked her what was going on and she said that she gave her 3 week notice yesterday at her job and was starting a new job in 3 weeks. This was quite a shock for me. She has worked at the same place for the last 6 years and has loved her job. Her "title" is pretty long, but she's the Administrative Assistant to the guy who's title is about 10 words long. . so his 10-word-title follows "Administrative Assistant". Anyway, she works in this fancy building with these "big-wig" people who know some even bigger "big-wig (and famous)" people. She talks on the phone to people all over the world. She is involved in helping set up famous people for big events for the company she works for. She's responsible for making and sending out thousands of fliers for events. She started out in Customer Service and had to memorize this manual that was THICK!! It is huge, but she did it. Everyone there loves her and she's free to just be Sally -- which is sometimes a little "dingy", but she's free to be who she is.
The problem with this job is that it's very stressful. There are 3 administrative assistants for the department she works in. 2 of them have quit over the last few months and they haven't replaced them yet. So, Sally's been doing their work, plus her own. She's had all of these projects going on where she works her butt off on one and when she's finished, she starts another one -- all without someone even telling her that they appreciate how she's stepped up and doing 3 people's job while getting paid for 1.
Last year, she was having some major stomach problems. She was losing weight -- with NONE to lose, literally. She was starting to look anorexic, although there was no way that she was. She had dr. appointment after dr. appointment and the final word was that it was stress. When your stress levels rise, it causes your stomach to produce more stomach acid, which processes your food faster. So, no matter how much she ate, she would be hungry in about 2 hours again. Her stomach was just processing her food too fast due to the stress. They put her on some medicine and it helped, but she only gained 2 pounds back. (I know. . opportunity to get jealous over that one!)
Anyway, a job opening came up at the prison there. What's weird is that my brother is a prison guard there (crazy, but true) and her job will be the administrative assistant to the warden. She is getting better pay, more vacation days, more sick days, better benefits, and the warden told her that to him (and I quote what she said he said), "Every day is a Friday to me. I don't have Mondays. If you come in my office and try to have a Monday, I'll tell you to leave and not come back until it's a Friday for you." What he means is -- there is no stress here.
Sally has been trying to get pregnant since last June. Lately she's become really frustrated in the whole process. I remember going through the almost exact same thing when we were trying to get pregnant with Payton. I had a miscarriage and it took us another year before we conceived Payton and I know my situation had to do with my job stress, too.
So, yesterday, she gave her 3 week notice and told them that it was just a better job for her. Her boss (who she LOVES) just kind of looked down his nose at her because she was going to go work at the prison. It really broke her heart. The "boss lady" over him called Sally into her office and asked her what was going on. Sally just told her that she's been working 3 jobs in that office and it was stressing her out. Her stomach's been acting up again and the other job has the better benefits (see above). They tried to make her another offer, but she wouldn't budge. She was crying because she felt like she had "screwed them over" by quitting.
Here's where it gets encouraging:
The "big boss lady" told Sally, "I want you to go home and pray about it over the weekend. Don't make any decision until you do."
Here was Sally's response:
She said, "I've already prayed about it. It was kind of an accident that I found out about it and it looked like I wasn't going to get it. But, I just prayed and told God that if the job was to be mine, then I would get it. I know that God has a plan for me and I know this is it. It's all the things I need in a job -- low stress level, benefits, better pay. It's God's way of saying, 'I have better things for you to do.' "
Now, my sister and I don't talk a lot about God. I know she believes in God and I know that she's saved, but I don't know much more than that. I'm so excited that she HAD prayed about it and she DID hear God on it and she wasn't AFRAID to just say that!!
So, I'm asking you to pray for her these things:
1. Pray that she will have strength over the next 3 weeks at her current job to finish strong. Pray that they will still show her the same love and respect they've showed her over the last 6 years of her being there and that it wouldn't be an awkward 3 weeks between them.
2. Pray that she will conceive a child soon. They don't have any children and she would be the "perfect little mommy".
Friday, January 12, 2007
Last Week . . .
I just wanted to blog about how awesome last week was. I don't know if my perspective has changed towards a bunch of things or what, but it has been good.
Monday: I had to get up and take Payton to school. Evan and I went to Wal-Mart to pick up a few things to start off the week. WOW was awesome. I even had 2 prophetic words for people.
Tuesday: I took Payton to school again. Came home and then went to the church for my day at the office. It was pretty unproductive, but prayer was good. We prayed for Payton's ears and he came home from school to tell me that his ears weren't hurting anymore. Praise God!! That night, I decided that my office needed a MASSIVE overhaul. It had been cluttered and a mess since we moved in here in April and I wanted it to be spotless when Aaron got home. So, I cleared out my office COMPLETELY of everything and if it came back in, it had to have a place. It took me until midnight, but I got it done. It feels so good to have everything put away and my office is so much bigger than I thought it was!!
Wednesday: I took Payton to school again. Then, it was coffee with Brandi & Krissy. I always love coffee days. I had a million and one things to get done that day. I went and bought some make-up today. Big step for me. I picked up Payton & Ethan from school and Ethan came over to play. I cleaned the house like mad because Aaron was coming home and the house was a mess because of my office plans. We weren't going to go meet Aaron at the airport because I had been to Abilene every day last week and if I went back, that would be 2 trips in one day. But, I talked to Aaron before he left Dallas and he sounded like he really wanted us to meet him there. So, we did. We hopped back in the car and headed to the airport to meet him. When he came off of the plane, it was like in a movie. The boys ran over to him and gave him really big hugs. We went to eat at McDonald's (guess who got to pick) and headed home.
Thursday: I ended up going in to town for some reason. Oh yeah. I volunteered to help take Payton's class to the library. It was fun. Picked up Ethan and Payton had a massive meltdown on the way home. By the time we got home, he had racked up 13 pops. We got home and he did apologize, though. Our evening went well.
Friday: I put together all of my children's church stuff for Sunday. This is a change because I usually pull it all together (get things sorted) on Saturdays, but I decided in my heart that was going to change. Plus, I had to get my stuff ready to go scrapbooking!! Brandi, Cherith, Casey, Becky, and I all had a date at the new scrapbook store in town that night. The weather was supposed to be a little yucky, but I didn't care. It has been months since I've been to a crop and I was going!! We had the best time!!! At midnight, Brandi, Casey, and I went to Taco Bueno to grab something to eat. We sat in there until about 1:15 am or so!! We had a blast!!! You'll have to ask Casey how God answered her prayer for a camera!! ;) Then, Casey & I went to Wal-Mart for my last minute things for children's church. I took Casey home and crawled in bed at 2:20 am.
Saturday: We lounged around. It was cold outside and although we were quite bored, we survived. We did work on my set a little bit to get it ready for the "big reveal". Pastor Bryan called and told me that I could cancel children's church if I wanted to because of the weather. I decided that's what we would do.
Sunday: Awesome church service. WOW! is all I can say. I know there were times when I was acting like a crazy person!! I know I was doing things I've never done before, but it was good. It felt awesome to really know what it is like to be out of my own control, but with God in control.
I'm going to go back to one thing. The cool thing about while Aaron was gone is that the boys and I got along just great. Usually, Payton and I are ready to kill each other after being together without Aaron, but not this time. We really had a great time.
I'm expecting this week to be just as awesome. I've decided to start getting up at 6:30 am and get ready for the day. It just adds so much time to my day for me to get things done!! I'm sad to say that this morning I slept in and I'm running way behind. . . doesn't help that I've been reading everyone's blogs this morning!! OK . . off to do some housework!!
Monday: I had to get up and take Payton to school. Evan and I went to Wal-Mart to pick up a few things to start off the week. WOW was awesome. I even had 2 prophetic words for people.
Tuesday: I took Payton to school again. Came home and then went to the church for my day at the office. It was pretty unproductive, but prayer was good. We prayed for Payton's ears and he came home from school to tell me that his ears weren't hurting anymore. Praise God!! That night, I decided that my office needed a MASSIVE overhaul. It had been cluttered and a mess since we moved in here in April and I wanted it to be spotless when Aaron got home. So, I cleared out my office COMPLETELY of everything and if it came back in, it had to have a place. It took me until midnight, but I got it done. It feels so good to have everything put away and my office is so much bigger than I thought it was!!
Wednesday: I took Payton to school again. Then, it was coffee with Brandi & Krissy. I always love coffee days. I had a million and one things to get done that day. I went and bought some make-up today. Big step for me. I picked up Payton & Ethan from school and Ethan came over to play. I cleaned the house like mad because Aaron was coming home and the house was a mess because of my office plans. We weren't going to go meet Aaron at the airport because I had been to Abilene every day last week and if I went back, that would be 2 trips in one day. But, I talked to Aaron before he left Dallas and he sounded like he really wanted us to meet him there. So, we did. We hopped back in the car and headed to the airport to meet him. When he came off of the plane, it was like in a movie. The boys ran over to him and gave him really big hugs. We went to eat at McDonald's (guess who got to pick) and headed home.
Thursday: I ended up going in to town for some reason. Oh yeah. I volunteered to help take Payton's class to the library. It was fun. Picked up Ethan and Payton had a massive meltdown on the way home. By the time we got home, he had racked up 13 pops. We got home and he did apologize, though. Our evening went well.
Friday: I put together all of my children's church stuff for Sunday. This is a change because I usually pull it all together (get things sorted) on Saturdays, but I decided in my heart that was going to change. Plus, I had to get my stuff ready to go scrapbooking!! Brandi, Cherith, Casey, Becky, and I all had a date at the new scrapbook store in town that night. The weather was supposed to be a little yucky, but I didn't care. It has been months since I've been to a crop and I was going!! We had the best time!!! At midnight, Brandi, Casey, and I went to Taco Bueno to grab something to eat. We sat in there until about 1:15 am or so!! We had a blast!!! You'll have to ask Casey how God answered her prayer for a camera!! ;) Then, Casey & I went to Wal-Mart for my last minute things for children's church. I took Casey home and crawled in bed at 2:20 am.
Saturday: We lounged around. It was cold outside and although we were quite bored, we survived. We did work on my set a little bit to get it ready for the "big reveal". Pastor Bryan called and told me that I could cancel children's church if I wanted to because of the weather. I decided that's what we would do.
Sunday: Awesome church service. WOW! is all I can say. I know there were times when I was acting like a crazy person!! I know I was doing things I've never done before, but it was good. It felt awesome to really know what it is like to be out of my own control, but with God in control.
I'm going to go back to one thing. The cool thing about while Aaron was gone is that the boys and I got along just great. Usually, Payton and I are ready to kill each other after being together without Aaron, but not this time. We really had a great time.
I'm expecting this week to be just as awesome. I've decided to start getting up at 6:30 am and get ready for the day. It just adds so much time to my day for me to get things done!! I'm sad to say that this morning I slept in and I'm running way behind. . . doesn't help that I've been reading everyone's blogs this morning!! OK . . off to do some housework!!
My Promised Land -- What is it?
Since everyone else it talking about it on their blogs, I can't be any different!! I've been thinking about it all week and I just don't know what it looks like. Or maybe I do, but I'm trying to make it too hard. So, I started thinking about all the things I want to do (and have wanted to do) and make a list. Maybe I'll see a "common thread". These are in no particular order:
* Have an amazing children's ministry where God moves in and through the kids
* Be the best mom to my 2 boys, loving them the way they need to be loved
* Be the best wife to Aaron -- meeting all his needs -- having dinner cooked, a clean house, etc.
* Go to Africa.
* Go back to school
* Be a lawyer
* Be a surrogate mother for someone
* Be foster parents
* Have more children of my own
* Be able to live on 10% and give 90%
* Work in a district attorney's office (been there, done that, would love to do it again)
* Be creative and have time to be creative
* Be able to give away big things -- cars, houses, etc.
* Be able to go on vacations and send people on vacations
* Be organized
* I want my house to be a place where people love to come and visit -- where the guys can play Xbox (like they already do) or the girls come to just hang out. I want my home to be full of hospitality.
* Write children's ministry curriculum
* Have CM conferences here instead of me having to travel to them. I know people will come to see what is going on in our children's ministry because it will be something that has never been done before.
I'm sure my "list" contains more. I just had a few minutes to write and thought I would give it a shot. My heart is children's ministry. I'm not sure exactly where all the other things fall into place. Maybe they're dreams that God is going to replace. Maybe they are things I'll do in my "spare time". Maybe I'll get to do these things alongside children's ministry. Maybe God will reveal His plan for me very clearly. Then, I just have to be obedient.
* Have an amazing children's ministry where God moves in and through the kids
* Be the best mom to my 2 boys, loving them the way they need to be loved
* Be the best wife to Aaron -- meeting all his needs -- having dinner cooked, a clean house, etc.
* Go to Africa.
* Go back to school
* Be a lawyer
* Be a surrogate mother for someone
* Be foster parents
* Have more children of my own
* Be able to live on 10% and give 90%
* Work in a district attorney's office (been there, done that, would love to do it again)
* Be creative and have time to be creative
* Be able to give away big things -- cars, houses, etc.
* Be able to go on vacations and send people on vacations
* Be organized
* I want my house to be a place where people love to come and visit -- where the guys can play Xbox (like they already do) or the girls come to just hang out. I want my home to be full of hospitality.
* Write children's ministry curriculum
* Have CM conferences here instead of me having to travel to them. I know people will come to see what is going on in our children's ministry because it will be something that has never been done before.
I'm sure my "list" contains more. I just had a few minutes to write and thought I would give it a shot. My heart is children's ministry. I'm not sure exactly where all the other things fall into place. Maybe they're dreams that God is going to replace. Maybe they are things I'll do in my "spare time". Maybe I'll get to do these things alongside children's ministry. Maybe God will reveal His plan for me very clearly. Then, I just have to be obedient.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Man, I feel like a woman!
I just want to testify to what God has done in me without me knowing what He was doing!!
Since we didn't have children's church in December, I really wanted to take some time to say, "Whatever you want to do, God, I'm on board." Well, December was so busy -- just busy. But, what I didn't realize is that God was taking my hurt -- something that had hurt so bad -- and He was healing it.
If you've read my blog, you read my "November 15th" post about the baby that I had in high school. During the month of November, I felt like I was 17 again. I remember being at home and not feeling like an adult. It is something really hard to explain. I just felt like I was 17 in my normal life. But, if you've read that post, I told God that I was taking my hand off of a wound that I had kept covered up for 12 years and I was going to allow Him to clean it out and heal it the right way.
In November, I did grieve for J. And, it was only a few days and I felt like my grieving time was over. In December, I felt this weird "I want to buy clothes and I want to wear makeup" thing. For all of my life, I've NEVER liked shopping for clothes and I've wore makeup on a few occassions, but never had much interest. And, I have never felt beautiful. No matter what people have said or done, I never felt like I was beautiful and I felt like no matter what I did, I would never be that. But, on the other hand, I didn't WANT to be beautiful because beautiful people were noticed -- they got attention -- something I didn't want.
On New Year's Eve at church, after baptisms, I had 2 people come up to me and tell me how beautiful I was and for the first time, I believed it. I felt it. After the second person came up to me, I just said, "Thank you. It's just something God is doing in me." She said, "Well, it looks good on you."
On Friday, I had a hair appointment -- not with the hair fairy (long story) -- but at the same place. I went in there and told the lady that I wanted whatever she wanted to do with my hair. We found this cut that I really liked and she thought it would look nice, so we went for it.
I didn't realize how long my hair had gotten!! It was a good few inches below my shoulders!! She started cutting and I really liked it. Then, she colored it. That took forever, but I have really thick hair. The lady was great to talk to and I talked to her about children's ministry. (I think it was hard for her to believe that woman was a children's "pastor" and not my husband -- but that's for another post).
Anyway, when she got all done, I wasn't sure if I was all about the color. It cost $85 for her to do all of that to my hair and for $85, I wished the color was a little more drastic.
But, as I was driving home, I heard about a new book "Famine to Fairytale". It's the story of Naomi and Ruth. When I heard that, I knew I had to get it. And, as I was driving, I realized what God had been doing.
He has been restoring my womanhood. I've never felt like a woman. I've always felt like a little girl. Now, I feel like a woman. I was reminded while I was driving about a word that I received a few years ago. I had gone back to Enid and there was a prophet there who always read my mail, but it was always awesome. I was really missing Oklahoma and our church body there. At the end, she had a prayer time and she gave me a word that went something like this:
God has placed you there. He has placed you there for a purpose higher than yourself. One day there is going to be this sudden shift -- an all of a sudden shift -- and you are going to come out glorious. You are going to be like Ruth. God will bring you to that place just like he did Ruth. Until then, glean in the fields. Glean in the fields.
Gosh!! I wish I could find that word. I have it written down somewhere on a yellow notepad, but I'm going to have to find it. So, I went home and studied about Ruth & Naomi. Ruth went to be with her mother-in-law and she worked in the fields. She worked in the fields picking up the leftover pieces of wheat. While she was working in the fields, Boaz noticed how beautiful she was. She eventually became his wife and Naomi and Ruth were no longer poor, but they were royalty.
I looked up the word GLEAN and here is what it means:
glean /glin/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[gleen] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–verb (used with object) 1. to gather slowly and laboriously, bit by bit.
2. to gather (grain or the like) after the reapers or regular gatherers.
3. to learn, discover, or find out, usually little by little or slowly.
–verb (used without object) 4. to collect or gather anything little by little or slowly.
5. to gather what is left by reapers.
I wasn't sure how that fit into "my story", but I thought it had to be about children's ministry, but it wasn't.
God had gone back and helped me pick up the pieces -- bit by bit -- and He's healed it. I feel like God has restored my womanhood. I feel restored. I care about hair and makeup -- like girls are supposed to do. (Girls, let me say that if you don't care about hair and makeup, that doesn't mean you aren't a woman.) I'm just saying, for me, I've always WANTED to care about those things, but couldn't figure out how.
So many people who saw my new haircut this morning told me how beautiful I looked. I felt it. I feel beautiful. I feel confident. There has been that "all of a sudden shift" and it feels good. I feel like a new person. I feel like I am beautiful -- on the outside and inside.
I am so glad that I serve a God that can do things without me even noticing.
Off to a meeting -- maybe I can finish this later or maybe later I'll find the rest of that prophecy and put it on here.
Since we didn't have children's church in December, I really wanted to take some time to say, "Whatever you want to do, God, I'm on board." Well, December was so busy -- just busy. But, what I didn't realize is that God was taking my hurt -- something that had hurt so bad -- and He was healing it.
If you've read my blog, you read my "November 15th" post about the baby that I had in high school. During the month of November, I felt like I was 17 again. I remember being at home and not feeling like an adult. It is something really hard to explain. I just felt like I was 17 in my normal life. But, if you've read that post, I told God that I was taking my hand off of a wound that I had kept covered up for 12 years and I was going to allow Him to clean it out and heal it the right way.
In November, I did grieve for J. And, it was only a few days and I felt like my grieving time was over. In December, I felt this weird "I want to buy clothes and I want to wear makeup" thing. For all of my life, I've NEVER liked shopping for clothes and I've wore makeup on a few occassions, but never had much interest. And, I have never felt beautiful. No matter what people have said or done, I never felt like I was beautiful and I felt like no matter what I did, I would never be that. But, on the other hand, I didn't WANT to be beautiful because beautiful people were noticed -- they got attention -- something I didn't want.
On New Year's Eve at church, after baptisms, I had 2 people come up to me and tell me how beautiful I was and for the first time, I believed it. I felt it. After the second person came up to me, I just said, "Thank you. It's just something God is doing in me." She said, "Well, it looks good on you."
On Friday, I had a hair appointment -- not with the hair fairy (long story) -- but at the same place. I went in there and told the lady that I wanted whatever she wanted to do with my hair. We found this cut that I really liked and she thought it would look nice, so we went for it.
I didn't realize how long my hair had gotten!! It was a good few inches below my shoulders!! She started cutting and I really liked it. Then, she colored it. That took forever, but I have really thick hair. The lady was great to talk to and I talked to her about children's ministry. (I think it was hard for her to believe that woman was a children's "pastor" and not my husband -- but that's for another post).
Anyway, when she got all done, I wasn't sure if I was all about the color. It cost $85 for her to do all of that to my hair and for $85, I wished the color was a little more drastic.
But, as I was driving home, I heard about a new book "Famine to Fairytale". It's the story of Naomi and Ruth. When I heard that, I knew I had to get it. And, as I was driving, I realized what God had been doing.
He has been restoring my womanhood. I've never felt like a woman. I've always felt like a little girl. Now, I feel like a woman. I was reminded while I was driving about a word that I received a few years ago. I had gone back to Enid and there was a prophet there who always read my mail, but it was always awesome. I was really missing Oklahoma and our church body there. At the end, she had a prayer time and she gave me a word that went something like this:
God has placed you there. He has placed you there for a purpose higher than yourself. One day there is going to be this sudden shift -- an all of a sudden shift -- and you are going to come out glorious. You are going to be like Ruth. God will bring you to that place just like he did Ruth. Until then, glean in the fields. Glean in the fields.
Gosh!! I wish I could find that word. I have it written down somewhere on a yellow notepad, but I'm going to have to find it. So, I went home and studied about Ruth & Naomi. Ruth went to be with her mother-in-law and she worked in the fields. She worked in the fields picking up the leftover pieces of wheat. While she was working in the fields, Boaz noticed how beautiful she was. She eventually became his wife and Naomi and Ruth were no longer poor, but they were royalty.
I looked up the word GLEAN and here is what it means:
glean /glin/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[gleen] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–verb (used with object) 1. to gather slowly and laboriously, bit by bit.
2. to gather (grain or the like) after the reapers or regular gatherers.
3. to learn, discover, or find out, usually little by little or slowly.
–verb (used without object) 4. to collect or gather anything little by little or slowly.
5. to gather what is left by reapers.
I wasn't sure how that fit into "my story", but I thought it had to be about children's ministry, but it wasn't.
God had gone back and helped me pick up the pieces -- bit by bit -- and He's healed it. I feel like God has restored my womanhood. I feel restored. I care about hair and makeup -- like girls are supposed to do. (Girls, let me say that if you don't care about hair and makeup, that doesn't mean you aren't a woman.) I'm just saying, for me, I've always WANTED to care about those things, but couldn't figure out how.
So many people who saw my new haircut this morning told me how beautiful I looked. I felt it. I feel beautiful. I feel confident. There has been that "all of a sudden shift" and it feels good. I feel like a new person. I feel like I am beautiful -- on the outside and inside.
I am so glad that I serve a God that can do things without me even noticing.
Off to a meeting -- maybe I can finish this later or maybe later I'll find the rest of that prophecy and put it on here.
Update on Blogging Out Loud
So today was our first Sunday with all of our kids under the same gym roof. We had 56 kids today!! 50 and above seems to be the "norm" over the last few months, which is awesome!! It happened so fast that I almost didn't realize it!! Awesome!!
We started off good. It was weird and is weird to say this, but I was not in control of Sunday morning's service. I had given that to God. Yes, it was a little nerve wrecking and a little awkward, but I had a peace that God was going to do whatever He needed to do.
I told my Bible story -- I think I messed it up. I'm going to have to go back and see. I think I got my number of days mixed up and I didn't finish the story of how Daniel was 10 times stronger than the other men at the end of his "fast from the King's food". Oh well. . I'm not satisfied with that, but I am not going to dwell on it.
So, we broke into small groups. 2nd through 5th grades small groups were about the same. We weren't sure how the younger kids' groups were going to work out. We put the Kindergarten and 1st grades together (quite a big group) and we put the 4 & 5 year olds (those that aren't in kindergarten yet) together (quite a large group) and we put all the 3 year olds together (only 10 kids -- 9 girls and Evan).
I was going to help Nicole with the 3 year olds because I thought they would be the hardest. Boy, was I wrong!!! Those ten little 3 year olds did whatever I asked them to do (although sometimes they looked at me funny when I told them we were going to run in place)! They sat in a circle and ate their snacks and they colored and shared!! I was amazed!! Then, I look up. . .
Krissy had the 4 & 5 year olds. I felt TERRIBLE for what I saw!! She was trying to teach the kids about how Daniel was 10 times stronger and there was a cute part on getting the kids to experience that. When I looked up, she had 2 kids trying to escape from 2 different doors!! She had about 5 kids that were in their own little worlds -- tackling, hitting, building blocks -- anything but paying attention.
So, I decided to go help her out. Oh my goodness!!! There was one little boy that I had to put in my lap, put my legs over his legs, and my arms around him to get him to sit and listen. Yes, I know I was holding hiim against his will -- get ready for some confessions of a children's pastor!! But, I was convinced that if he would just see what she was trying to teach, he would be interested. WRONG!!
Finally, I gave up trying to restrain him because there were about 8 others that were completely out of control. Krissy did have about 4 that were doing whatever she wanted them to do. It was hard to focus on those 4, when the rest were out of control. At 12 pm, Krissy just said, "How much longer?" I went to see and Pastor Bryan was still preaching. On my way back, I realized we hadn't done any worship, so decided to come back to large group and worship until the parents came.
That worked ok . . when you're worshipping, you don't realize those kids that are just running around everywhere. ;)
So, that ends our day. Dustin, Krissy, and I talked after everyone was gone and we're all still going to do children's ministry. We strategized a little bit more on our check-out system and figured out a way to make that smoother. This week on my agenda is to figure out how to fix this 4 & 5 year old group.
But, we aren't giving up. It felt so nice for all of us to be together today. There was energy (maybe too much for some kids) and we had new toys that everyone loved. Next week, we'll have our new set (it will be awesome)! I know that God is going to do something with us all in the same room. I think I did what He wanted me to do, though -- let go of control. Let me say this, too. I am not frustrated. I am not giving up. I am not giving in. I'm going to push through and we will be successful!! It will take time for all of us to adjust, but God is going to give us a strategy to reach EVERY boy and girl that comes through our doors.
We started off good. It was weird and is weird to say this, but I was not in control of Sunday morning's service. I had given that to God. Yes, it was a little nerve wrecking and a little awkward, but I had a peace that God was going to do whatever He needed to do.
I told my Bible story -- I think I messed it up. I'm going to have to go back and see. I think I got my number of days mixed up and I didn't finish the story of how Daniel was 10 times stronger than the other men at the end of his "fast from the King's food". Oh well. . I'm not satisfied with that, but I am not going to dwell on it.
So, we broke into small groups. 2nd through 5th grades small groups were about the same. We weren't sure how the younger kids' groups were going to work out. We put the Kindergarten and 1st grades together (quite a big group) and we put the 4 & 5 year olds (those that aren't in kindergarten yet) together (quite a large group) and we put all the 3 year olds together (only 10 kids -- 9 girls and Evan).
I was going to help Nicole with the 3 year olds because I thought they would be the hardest. Boy, was I wrong!!! Those ten little 3 year olds did whatever I asked them to do (although sometimes they looked at me funny when I told them we were going to run in place)! They sat in a circle and ate their snacks and they colored and shared!! I was amazed!! Then, I look up. . .
Krissy had the 4 & 5 year olds. I felt TERRIBLE for what I saw!! She was trying to teach the kids about how Daniel was 10 times stronger and there was a cute part on getting the kids to experience that. When I looked up, she had 2 kids trying to escape from 2 different doors!! She had about 5 kids that were in their own little worlds -- tackling, hitting, building blocks -- anything but paying attention.
So, I decided to go help her out. Oh my goodness!!! There was one little boy that I had to put in my lap, put my legs over his legs, and my arms around him to get him to sit and listen. Yes, I know I was holding hiim against his will -- get ready for some confessions of a children's pastor!! But, I was convinced that if he would just see what she was trying to teach, he would be interested. WRONG!!
Finally, I gave up trying to restrain him because there were about 8 others that were completely out of control. Krissy did have about 4 that were doing whatever she wanted them to do. It was hard to focus on those 4, when the rest were out of control. At 12 pm, Krissy just said, "How much longer?" I went to see and Pastor Bryan was still preaching. On my way back, I realized we hadn't done any worship, so decided to come back to large group and worship until the parents came.
That worked ok . . when you're worshipping, you don't realize those kids that are just running around everywhere. ;)
So, that ends our day. Dustin, Krissy, and I talked after everyone was gone and we're all still going to do children's ministry. We strategized a little bit more on our check-out system and figured out a way to make that smoother. This week on my agenda is to figure out how to fix this 4 & 5 year old group.
But, we aren't giving up. It felt so nice for all of us to be together today. There was energy (maybe too much for some kids) and we had new toys that everyone loved. Next week, we'll have our new set (it will be awesome)! I know that God is going to do something with us all in the same room. I think I did what He wanted me to do, though -- let go of control. Let me say this, too. I am not frustrated. I am not giving up. I am not giving in. I'm going to push through and we will be successful!! It will take time for all of us to adjust, but God is going to give us a strategy to reach EVERY boy and girl that comes through our doors.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Blogging Out Loud -- Part 2
So, plan B was to have all of the kids in the gym when we resume children's church on January 7th. Here's how we got our answer:
On Dec. 17th, I went to church a little early and was standing in the hallway when I felt like I was supposed to go into intercessory prayer. I went in and asked Kathy to pray for God to give us our solution. I expected someone to tell me this grandioso plan -- didn't happen. But, I did find out that the school is going to have to use those rooms for more ISS -- made my heart break.
I went to the pre-service meeting and as I'm standing there, I heard so clearly that God's plan is for us all to be together in the gym. I have been ok with this plan from the beginning, but Krissy has not. She was willing to do ANYTHING (even meet under the tree in front of the school) to keep this from happening. We've both been in situations where you have 3 year olds all the way through 5th grades and it's nothing but CHAOS!! So, I told God that if that was His plan, He was going to have to tell Krissy that. This is one thing we HAVE to be in agreement about!!
So, we go to worship (AWESOME by the way) and after church I asked my team to meet me in the gym. My team gathered and I broke the news to them. I asked them not to get upset with the school (it would be very easy to do) and that we were just going to flow with this and learn from it.
After our "meeting", Krissy came over and said, "Rachel, during worship, I just felt like I heard God say that this IS His plan -- for us to all be together. If we want our kids to be moving in spiritual gifts, what better way than for us all to learn together."
YAY, GOD!!!
I believe with all of my heart that God wants to do something in our children's ministry that has never been done before. And, let me tell you, there aren't ANY children's pastors that would jump at an opportunity to teach 3 year olds through 5th graders together in the same room!! There's too many attention spans, comprehension levels, wiggle worms, such a huge space (with stairs, I might add)!! But, I believe this is God's plan. But, I feel like I'm stepping out of the boat onto the stormy waters!!
I like plans. I like detailed plans. I like to be in charge and on top of things. I've had this whole month of December off and I'm running here and running there and doing this and doing that. Ordering new toys, ordering new set parts, Re-Ordering new set parts, talking on the phone, having Christmas here, having Christmas there, tracking new set parts, shipping off the projector, on hold for 40 minutes with Overstock.com, calling Overstock back, blah, blah, blah.
I was talking to Krissy yesterday and she said, "How's the curriculum thing coming?" (I'm having to write the 3 year old lessons on their level) I wanted to scream -- I HAVEN'T HAD TIME!!! The truth is that I have had the time -- I've been wasting time. The sad thing is that I'm not a procrastinator or a poor time manager, but I sure have been lately!!
All day today, I've had the Casting Crowns song "The Voice of Truth" going through my head.
Voice Of Truth
Lyrics by Mark Hall and Steven Curtis Chapman
Music by Mark Hall and Steven Curtis Chapman
Song based on 2 Cor. 12:7-10 and 1 Cor. 1:20-2:4
© 2003 Club Zoo Music / SWEC Music (Admin. by Club Zoo Music) / BMI / Sparrow Song / Peach Hill Songs (admin by EMI Christian Music Publishing) / BMI. All rights reserved. Used by permission
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand
But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"
Chorus:
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"
But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
This whole thing is out of my comfort zone. I feel like I am facing a giant. And it's scary. My flesh wants to run. But I won't. I'm sure Peter wanted to run, but instead he chose to step out on those waves. I'm sure David wanted to run, but instead he chose to pick up that stone. I'm just having to stop and listen to the sound of Jesus singing over me -- even when I have to listen very carefully.
Again, I believe this is God's plan. I'm used to running to a book or other children's pastors to see how to do things instead of running to God for my answers. There is no book for this situation (maybe I can write one when we figure this out) and the children's pastors who are having to teach 3 years through 5th graders pretty much say find a way around having them all together (not possible at the moment). God's in control -- not me, which is uncomfortable sometimes.
So God, here I am stepping out on what seems like stormy waters of uncertainty, but I'm going to lean on you for this direction and every step I take. I know you'll calm me when I'm freaking out. I know you're going to speak to these kids on their levels. I pray that they will have their ears open to hear. Father, teach me how to teach them. Be so real to them!! Show up in a big way -- a way where people can say -- Now THAT was GOd.
On Dec. 17th, I went to church a little early and was standing in the hallway when I felt like I was supposed to go into intercessory prayer. I went in and asked Kathy to pray for God to give us our solution. I expected someone to tell me this grandioso plan -- didn't happen. But, I did find out that the school is going to have to use those rooms for more ISS -- made my heart break.
I went to the pre-service meeting and as I'm standing there, I heard so clearly that God's plan is for us all to be together in the gym. I have been ok with this plan from the beginning, but Krissy has not. She was willing to do ANYTHING (even meet under the tree in front of the school) to keep this from happening. We've both been in situations where you have 3 year olds all the way through 5th grades and it's nothing but CHAOS!! So, I told God that if that was His plan, He was going to have to tell Krissy that. This is one thing we HAVE to be in agreement about!!
So, we go to worship (AWESOME by the way) and after church I asked my team to meet me in the gym. My team gathered and I broke the news to them. I asked them not to get upset with the school (it would be very easy to do) and that we were just going to flow with this and learn from it.
After our "meeting", Krissy came over and said, "Rachel, during worship, I just felt like I heard God say that this IS His plan -- for us to all be together. If we want our kids to be moving in spiritual gifts, what better way than for us all to learn together."
YAY, GOD!!!
I believe with all of my heart that God wants to do something in our children's ministry that has never been done before. And, let me tell you, there aren't ANY children's pastors that would jump at an opportunity to teach 3 year olds through 5th graders together in the same room!! There's too many attention spans, comprehension levels, wiggle worms, such a huge space (with stairs, I might add)!! But, I believe this is God's plan. But, I feel like I'm stepping out of the boat onto the stormy waters!!
I like plans. I like detailed plans. I like to be in charge and on top of things. I've had this whole month of December off and I'm running here and running there and doing this and doing that. Ordering new toys, ordering new set parts, Re-Ordering new set parts, talking on the phone, having Christmas here, having Christmas there, tracking new set parts, shipping off the projector, on hold for 40 minutes with Overstock.com, calling Overstock back, blah, blah, blah.
I was talking to Krissy yesterday and she said, "How's the curriculum thing coming?" (I'm having to write the 3 year old lessons on their level) I wanted to scream -- I HAVEN'T HAD TIME!!! The truth is that I have had the time -- I've been wasting time. The sad thing is that I'm not a procrastinator or a poor time manager, but I sure have been lately!!
All day today, I've had the Casting Crowns song "The Voice of Truth" going through my head.
Voice Of Truth
Lyrics by Mark Hall and Steven Curtis Chapman
Music by Mark Hall and Steven Curtis Chapman
Song based on 2 Cor. 12:7-10 and 1 Cor. 1:20-2:4
© 2003 Club Zoo Music / SWEC Music (Admin. by Club Zoo Music) / BMI / Sparrow Song / Peach Hill Songs (admin by EMI Christian Music Publishing) / BMI. All rights reserved. Used by permission
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand
But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"
Chorus:
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"
But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
This whole thing is out of my comfort zone. I feel like I am facing a giant. And it's scary. My flesh wants to run. But I won't. I'm sure Peter wanted to run, but instead he chose to step out on those waves. I'm sure David wanted to run, but instead he chose to pick up that stone. I'm just having to stop and listen to the sound of Jesus singing over me -- even when I have to listen very carefully.
Again, I believe this is God's plan. I'm used to running to a book or other children's pastors to see how to do things instead of running to God for my answers. There is no book for this situation (maybe I can write one when we figure this out) and the children's pastors who are having to teach 3 years through 5th graders pretty much say find a way around having them all together (not possible at the moment). God's in control -- not me, which is uncomfortable sometimes.
So God, here I am stepping out on what seems like stormy waters of uncertainty, but I'm going to lean on you for this direction and every step I take. I know you'll calm me when I'm freaking out. I know you're going to speak to these kids on their levels. I pray that they will have their ears open to hear. Father, teach me how to teach them. Be so real to them!! Show up in a big way -- a way where people can say -- Now THAT was GOd.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Blogging Out Loud
Our preschool classes (3 years through Kindergarten) have been meeting in some "permanent" classrooms on the school grounds. The school had 2 classrooms they weren't using and allowed us to put our stuff in there and leave it from week to week. It has been AWESOME for them to have a place all of their own. It's been great for Krissy & Nicole not having to set up after all the sound equipment is out, etc. Plus, we were running about 18 to 20 kids in that age group when they were meeting in the nursery area. The area we had was just too small to hold all of them. Now, they have some room to run around and play.
However, I got a call on Wednesday that the school is going to start using those rooms again in January and we have to get all of our stuff out by next Friday. My first reaction was "What the heck?!?! We just got those rooms in September!! Where are we going to meet now?"
As I just sat at Chick-Fil-A (our usual Wednesday lunch spot) with Krissy & Brandi, I just purposed in my heart that I wasn't going to get stressed out about it. God has a plan and He has somewhere for us to meet.
Yesterday I was listening to one of my favorite pastors, Willie George, from Tulsa and he was talking about how sometimes we just need to ask God for a STRATEGY. That's exactly where I'm at. I am just needing a STRATEGY. Those 18 to 20 kids is now close to 30 on a weekly average -- and that's just the 3, 4, and 5 year olds!!
There wasn't room for 20 kids in the old nursery part, there's definately not room for 30!! Plus, Kelly's nursery was exploding, too. She was relieved when we moved out giving her babies some more room and a place for nursing mothers to go. Doesn't seem like we can move back in there.
Yes, we could bring them back into the gym and all of us have children's church in there. That's my Plan B. The only problem with that is it will become "glorified babysitting". Our lessons will be so far over the 3 year old's head, I'm afraid they will walk away with nothing. Then, you've got those 4th & 5th graders who will be so bored because I'm having to teach on a 3 or 4 year old level -- remember PrayGround?
So, this entry is just to "blog out loud". In my head, it doesn't make sense. We have children's church back on 3 weeks from this Sunday. I feel like I don't have time to deal with this "issue". Guess I'll just have to let God deal with it.
I have so many things going on that my "break" hasn't been much of a break. It's ok, though. I'm not complaining. I'm just glad I could get some things caught up and some new things started. I'm sure this is right where God wants me -- having to find out what HIS plan is in all of this -- or Plan A.
So, God, I'm needing a place for these kids to meet and have classes. Or I need a strategy on how to teach fifty to sixty 3 year olds through 5th grade kids in a way that EVERYONE walks away with something new in their heart -- where everyone walks away with the light turned on.
However, I got a call on Wednesday that the school is going to start using those rooms again in January and we have to get all of our stuff out by next Friday. My first reaction was "What the heck?!?! We just got those rooms in September!! Where are we going to meet now?"
As I just sat at Chick-Fil-A (our usual Wednesday lunch spot) with Krissy & Brandi, I just purposed in my heart that I wasn't going to get stressed out about it. God has a plan and He has somewhere for us to meet.
Yesterday I was listening to one of my favorite pastors, Willie George, from Tulsa and he was talking about how sometimes we just need to ask God for a STRATEGY. That's exactly where I'm at. I am just needing a STRATEGY. Those 18 to 20 kids is now close to 30 on a weekly average -- and that's just the 3, 4, and 5 year olds!!
There wasn't room for 20 kids in the old nursery part, there's definately not room for 30!! Plus, Kelly's nursery was exploding, too. She was relieved when we moved out giving her babies some more room and a place for nursing mothers to go. Doesn't seem like we can move back in there.
Yes, we could bring them back into the gym and all of us have children's church in there. That's my Plan B. The only problem with that is it will become "glorified babysitting". Our lessons will be so far over the 3 year old's head, I'm afraid they will walk away with nothing. Then, you've got those 4th & 5th graders who will be so bored because I'm having to teach on a 3 or 4 year old level -- remember PrayGround?
So, this entry is just to "blog out loud". In my head, it doesn't make sense. We have children's church back on 3 weeks from this Sunday. I feel like I don't have time to deal with this "issue". Guess I'll just have to let God deal with it.
I have so many things going on that my "break" hasn't been much of a break. It's ok, though. I'm not complaining. I'm just glad I could get some things caught up and some new things started. I'm sure this is right where God wants me -- having to find out what HIS plan is in all of this -- or Plan A.
So, God, I'm needing a place for these kids to meet and have classes. Or I need a strategy on how to teach fifty to sixty 3 year olds through 5th grade kids in a way that EVERYONE walks away with something new in their heart -- where everyone walks away with the light turned on.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
The Gift of Giving . . . .
This weekend has been one crazy weekend!! And, it's not even over yet!! Friday night was the ESC Team Christmas Party and boy, was it fun!! Not to mention, all my leaders pitched in and got me a gift certificate to "The Hair Fairy -- Gaylene"!!! It really was the PERFECT present!! (Thanks Brandi for the hint!) I got all of them neat little presents that I was so excited to give them!! Little did I know how perfect each one of them was!!!
Today (Saturday), our ESC Team hit the town to buy Christmas presents for a few families in our church and of course, kids in our children's ministry!! Cyndi & Krissy were my shopping buddies for the day. We had lunch at TaMolly's and ALL 3 of us ate for $11 thanks to some awesome coupons I found!! We (all of us shoppers) all saw each other at Wal-Mart and we were all having such a great time shopping for these kids!! We were the ones clogging up the aisles going over all the cool things we had bought for the person we were shopping for!!
The plan was to meet back at my house at 4 pm to start wrapping gifts. About 3:50, I started getting calls saying, "I'm going to be late!" That was great, though, because so were we!! We were still at the mall headed back to Layne Bryant for the final sales!!
When we were finished, we just went on and on about how excited we were to be blessing these families. The back of my car was loaded with sacks!!
We got to my house and Dusty & Kari were already there and were in the process of wrapping their gifts. We brought in sacks and sacks of presents and started sorting!! Soon, Eric, Nicole, & Tanna showed up with their loot and we all were wrapping together talking about how much fun we had!!
In the end, it was Krissy and I wrapping the final gifts. I swear, God multiplied our wrapping paper!!! I still have a TON of it left over!! We had made quite the mess of my living room, so we decided that we definately needed a picture of all the presents together. I grabbed my camera while Krissy started arranging presents. OH MY GOODNESS!!! I've never seen so many presents in one place at the same time!!! I did get pictures, but I haven't put them on my computer yet, so I'm sorry you don't get to see them yet. The funny thing is that my pictures don't even have all of the presents in them!! A few more will be showing up at church tomorrow and we were able to buy 2 new mattresses, which aren't in the pictures, but they will be presents.
I started to go to bed, but I couldn't lay down just thinking about all those presents in my living room!!!
I want to tell you what God showed me today. He loves me so much more than I love these kids we shopped for today. He wants to bless me above and beyond all I could ever hope, ask, or think. But, the main thing I walked away with today was this. I heard God say, "Rachel, I want you to ask me for those things that you want. . . spiritual things and natural things. Just ask. I will give you the desires of your heart. Just ask."
You know, the lists we got from these families, we had a budget that didn't seem like a lot of money. I knew it was a good start, but I never imagined that we would be able to give these families EVERYTHING they asked for -- EVERYTHING. There are a few things we're still looking for, but I know we'll find them. And, we did it all inside our budget. A few things were given to us from people who found out what we were doing and said, "Hey, I have this. It's BRAND NEW. Do you think you could use it?" New things still in the box and things a kid had put on their list!! Now, isn't that God!!
Today, God stretched our money farther than we expected!! We were at a clothing store and we had our clothes, but when we got to the counter, we found out we could get one more shirt. So, we went and got it and found out we could still get a piece of jewelry!! When the sales clerk printed our receipt, we spent $107 and saved $116!!! WOW!!
One of the moms wanted a gift that looked like it was impossible for us to do. After talking with a few people, we were able to do something with it. (I don't want to share what it was just in case she reads my blog!) :) It was totally the favor of the Lord!! When I went to pay for it, I thanked the lady for working with us and told her what we were doing. She was speechless that we were doing that for a family in our church!! I loved it!!!
Oh how I wish I could be there Christmas morning when those kids wake up and see those presents!! Oh how I wish I could be there to watch moms enjoy watching their kids open all of those presents knowing God took care of their Christmas!! Oh how I wish I could see the faces of the moms when they open their presents.
God, I ask you to show them your love for them this holiday season. I ask you to LAVISH your love on them. Show them how a true Father loves his children. God, I pray that you get ALL of the glory for those presents. I thank you for allowing me to be a part of such an awesome Christmas for a few blessed children. God, we know Christmas time is not all about the presents, but I pray that these families would just know how blessed they are and that you have great and amazing things in store for them. I pray that they would broaden the things they ask you for. And as they receive this season, I pray they would pass it forward.
UPDATE: Here are the pictures of ALL of the presents (minus the mattresses)!! The truth is that these pictures don't even do it justice!! There are presents piled underneath all of that!! It's really amazing!!
Today (Saturday), our ESC Team hit the town to buy Christmas presents for a few families in our church and of course, kids in our children's ministry!! Cyndi & Krissy were my shopping buddies for the day. We had lunch at TaMolly's and ALL 3 of us ate for $11 thanks to some awesome coupons I found!! We (all of us shoppers) all saw each other at Wal-Mart and we were all having such a great time shopping for these kids!! We were the ones clogging up the aisles going over all the cool things we had bought for the person we were shopping for!!
The plan was to meet back at my house at 4 pm to start wrapping gifts. About 3:50, I started getting calls saying, "I'm going to be late!" That was great, though, because so were we!! We were still at the mall headed back to Layne Bryant for the final sales!!
When we were finished, we just went on and on about how excited we were to be blessing these families. The back of my car was loaded with sacks!!
We got to my house and Dusty & Kari were already there and were in the process of wrapping their gifts. We brought in sacks and sacks of presents and started sorting!! Soon, Eric, Nicole, & Tanna showed up with their loot and we all were wrapping together talking about how much fun we had!!
In the end, it was Krissy and I wrapping the final gifts. I swear, God multiplied our wrapping paper!!! I still have a TON of it left over!! We had made quite the mess of my living room, so we decided that we definately needed a picture of all the presents together. I grabbed my camera while Krissy started arranging presents. OH MY GOODNESS!!! I've never seen so many presents in one place at the same time!!! I did get pictures, but I haven't put them on my computer yet, so I'm sorry you don't get to see them yet. The funny thing is that my pictures don't even have all of the presents in them!! A few more will be showing up at church tomorrow and we were able to buy 2 new mattresses, which aren't in the pictures, but they will be presents.
I started to go to bed, but I couldn't lay down just thinking about all those presents in my living room!!!
I want to tell you what God showed me today. He loves me so much more than I love these kids we shopped for today. He wants to bless me above and beyond all I could ever hope, ask, or think. But, the main thing I walked away with today was this. I heard God say, "Rachel, I want you to ask me for those things that you want. . . spiritual things and natural things. Just ask. I will give you the desires of your heart. Just ask."
You know, the lists we got from these families, we had a budget that didn't seem like a lot of money. I knew it was a good start, but I never imagined that we would be able to give these families EVERYTHING they asked for -- EVERYTHING. There are a few things we're still looking for, but I know we'll find them. And, we did it all inside our budget. A few things were given to us from people who found out what we were doing and said, "Hey, I have this. It's BRAND NEW. Do you think you could use it?" New things still in the box and things a kid had put on their list!! Now, isn't that God!!
Today, God stretched our money farther than we expected!! We were at a clothing store and we had our clothes, but when we got to the counter, we found out we could get one more shirt. So, we went and got it and found out we could still get a piece of jewelry!! When the sales clerk printed our receipt, we spent $107 and saved $116!!! WOW!!
One of the moms wanted a gift that looked like it was impossible for us to do. After talking with a few people, we were able to do something with it. (I don't want to share what it was just in case she reads my blog!) :) It was totally the favor of the Lord!! When I went to pay for it, I thanked the lady for working with us and told her what we were doing. She was speechless that we were doing that for a family in our church!! I loved it!!!
Oh how I wish I could be there Christmas morning when those kids wake up and see those presents!! Oh how I wish I could be there to watch moms enjoy watching their kids open all of those presents knowing God took care of their Christmas!! Oh how I wish I could see the faces of the moms when they open their presents.
God, I ask you to show them your love for them this holiday season. I ask you to LAVISH your love on them. Show them how a true Father loves his children. God, I pray that you get ALL of the glory for those presents. I thank you for allowing me to be a part of such an awesome Christmas for a few blessed children. God, we know Christmas time is not all about the presents, but I pray that these families would just know how blessed they are and that you have great and amazing things in store for them. I pray that they would broaden the things they ask you for. And as they receive this season, I pray they would pass it forward.
UPDATE: Here are the pictures of ALL of the presents (minus the mattresses)!! The truth is that these pictures don't even do it justice!! There are presents piled underneath all of that!! It's really amazing!!
Friday, December 08, 2006
Who Takes Out The Trash?!?!
I once heard about a couple who this happened to:
Her dad always took out the trash. His mom always took out the trash. So, when they got married, it was frustrating because nobody would take the trash out. He thought she should do it and she thought he should do it.
I used to laugh at this story until recently, Aaron & I ARE THAT COUPLE!!! I'm not sure if his mom always took out the trash, but one of Aaron's pet peeves is that I let the trash get full (and sometimes overflowing -- depending on which trash can) and I don't take it out. This morning, I was cooking breakfast and he came in and said, "IF THE TRASH IS FULL, EMPTY IT." I stood there over the pancakes thinking, "But, you are supposed to take the trash out. At least my dad always did." My dad always took the trash out and so I assumed that would be Aaron's role. Aaron thinks that anyone can take the trash out and they should.
So, I'm curious. . .who takes the trash out at your house?!?!
P.S. I need some more comments on here, people!!!! :)
Her dad always took out the trash. His mom always took out the trash. So, when they got married, it was frustrating because nobody would take the trash out. He thought she should do it and she thought he should do it.
I used to laugh at this story until recently, Aaron & I ARE THAT COUPLE!!! I'm not sure if his mom always took out the trash, but one of Aaron's pet peeves is that I let the trash get full (and sometimes overflowing -- depending on which trash can) and I don't take it out. This morning, I was cooking breakfast and he came in and said, "IF THE TRASH IS FULL, EMPTY IT." I stood there over the pancakes thinking, "But, you are supposed to take the trash out. At least my dad always did." My dad always took the trash out and so I assumed that would be Aaron's role. Aaron thinks that anyone can take the trash out and they should.
So, I'm curious. . .who takes the trash out at your house?!?!
P.S. I need some more comments on here, people!!!! :)
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Had to get in on this one . . . .
Your results:
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You are Superman
| You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.  |
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Friday, December 01, 2006
Just Some New Pics
Here are a few pictures that I posted on MySpace, too. Just figured I would post them here for those of you not on MySpace:
Thursday, November 30, 2006
You ARE going to eat that!
This week, I decided that I'm tired of being a short order cook. I'm tired of hearing, "I don't like that" or an hour after dinner, "I'm hungry" because they didn't eat. So, I decided that this week, we are going to eat what is put on our plates -- at least try it. I'm not loading their plates up with things I know they won't like. I'm just giving them enough for 3 or 4 bites. They at least have to try that many bites before they can say they don't like it.
Night 1 was AWFUL!!!! It was terrible!! I made this soup that I had been craving. The only thing is that it has beans in it -- which Aaron will not eat. And, not just 1 can of beans, about 6 cans of three different kinds of beans. I called to see what Aaron wanted for dinner and he didn't know. I was craving it and decided that's the way it was going to be.
Everyone gets to the table and the whining begins. "I don't like this." "I'm not going to eat it." "You know I don't like that." "Fine. I just won't eat." Aaron didn't say a word. He put VERY LITTLE in his bowl and he ate it. He also made himself a PB&J sandwich. I didn't say anything. The kids didn't eat. My poor brother-in-law had to be here on night one of the "new rules". Sorry Eric!!
Night 2 was the biggest power struggle I've had in a long time! Pork chops, rice, & mashed potatoes. I know it's 2 starches, but that's what Aaron wanted. My brother-in-law, again, had to endure the whining. But, after about an hour of not budging, plates were clean and Payton and Evan both decided they like rice. Payton still hates mashed potatoes.
Night 3 was MUCH better!! Country style pork ribs, green beans, & sweet potatoes. I know what you're thinking -- I'm just trying to punish them!! Not so!! Sweet potatoes are good and they're good for you!! They walked in the kitchen with very little whining. I did hear "I don't like that" a few times, but I just kept going. They ate all of their pork chops and their green beans and Payton was ready to play XBox. I told him there would be no video games until those sweet potatoes were gone (I gave him probably 3 bites). He took his fork and took the tiniest bite I've ever seen. I turned my back and they were all gone. He brought me his plate and said, "Can I have more of those?" pointing to where his sweet potatoes WERE. He ate 2 helpings of them!!! Even Evan decided to give them a try and proudly exclaimed, "Mommy! I wike them! Those are doooooood!!!"
Night 1 was AWFUL!!!! It was terrible!! I made this soup that I had been craving. The only thing is that it has beans in it -- which Aaron will not eat. And, not just 1 can of beans, about 6 cans of three different kinds of beans. I called to see what Aaron wanted for dinner and he didn't know. I was craving it and decided that's the way it was going to be.
Everyone gets to the table and the whining begins. "I don't like this." "I'm not going to eat it." "You know I don't like that." "Fine. I just won't eat." Aaron didn't say a word. He put VERY LITTLE in his bowl and he ate it. He also made himself a PB&J sandwich. I didn't say anything. The kids didn't eat. My poor brother-in-law had to be here on night one of the "new rules". Sorry Eric!!
Night 2 was the biggest power struggle I've had in a long time! Pork chops, rice, & mashed potatoes. I know it's 2 starches, but that's what Aaron wanted. My brother-in-law, again, had to endure the whining. But, after about an hour of not budging, plates were clean and Payton and Evan both decided they like rice. Payton still hates mashed potatoes.
Night 3 was MUCH better!! Country style pork ribs, green beans, & sweet potatoes. I know what you're thinking -- I'm just trying to punish them!! Not so!! Sweet potatoes are good and they're good for you!! They walked in the kitchen with very little whining. I did hear "I don't like that" a few times, but I just kept going. They ate all of their pork chops and their green beans and Payton was ready to play XBox. I told him there would be no video games until those sweet potatoes were gone (I gave him probably 3 bites). He took his fork and took the tiniest bite I've ever seen. I turned my back and they were all gone. He brought me his plate and said, "Can I have more of those?" pointing to where his sweet potatoes WERE. He ate 2 helpings of them!!! Even Evan decided to give them a try and proudly exclaimed, "Mommy! I wike them! Those are doooooood!!!"
Things I Learned On Snow Day . . .
Everyone else wrote about the snow, so I won't go on about that. I will list the things I learned today with both boys home from school:
- Payton is definately a DC personality. He is in charge of picking the game and you have to play it just the way he says or it's wrong.
- Spiderman can't thow webs using only 1 finger. It's impossible.
- Using PAM spray to replace the butter to make a grilled cheese sandwich just doesn't work. Not even if it's BUTTER flavored.
- If your heater starts blowing cold air on a cold & snowy day, it could be several things. One of which is a red button that doesn't exist on your unit, but you don't figure that out until you've made several trips outside in the FREEZING COLD. I do know how to make your heater quit blowing cold air now!!!
- It doesn't take a whole Sunday newspaper to keep a fire going in the fire place!! Just put some logs on there and eventually they will catch on fire. Who would have thunk it?
- Now I know why they make sure you are 18 when you buy Sharpies!! The high from those things is NO FUN!! I'm not sure why people would want to do that to themselves!!
The MASTERPIECE is finished!!!
Oh my goodness!! Today Aaron sent me an IM that said, "You can do anything you put your mind to today." I IMd him back and said, "That's just it. I have to put my mind to something."
So, I got off of my computer and decided to clean my house. I quickly got distracted and decided that I would finish the boys' room. It's been weeks in the making and after who knows how many bottles of paint, 46 sponge brushes, and 2 Sharpies, IT IS FINISHED!!!
So, I got off of my computer and decided to clean my house. I quickly got distracted and decided that I would finish the boys' room. It's been weeks in the making and after who knows how many bottles of paint, 46 sponge brushes, and 2 Sharpies, IT IS FINISHED!!!
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Fun In The Bathroom . . .
I almost don't even want to share this, but the more I think about it, the more crazy it seems. . .
Today, Evan and I went to Chick-Fil-A for lunch. It's our usual lunch spot after our morning coffee with Brandi & Krissy. Today was no different. So, we're sitting there eating lunch and I had to go to the bathroom. I told the lady that we would be right back and please don't throw our things away and headed towards the bathroom.
Evan was NOT excited about leaving the playground so I could go to the bathroom. I couldn't let him stand outside the stall. As soon as I got in there, he would have hit the door running. So, I convinced him to go in the stall with me, but I had to give him a little incentive. I told him that he could take pictures of different things (NOT ME) with my phone while I went to the bathroom. I know you're probably thinking "What?!?!" I know, I know . . .
So, in the VERY short amount of time we were in there, he took pictures of the door, the lock, the lights, the toilet paper holder, his feet, and my feet. We even took a few pictures of him being REALLY silly!!!
Anyway, we're about to walk out of the stall when I hear the main bathroom door open. Right when Evan said, "Mommy, but I'm not done taking pictures! I want to take pictures of you now! CLICK!"
I wonder what that lady thought about the two of us in a stall and him saying he wasn't done taking pictures?!?! We just washed our hands and walked out. I was almost embarssed that I let my 3 year old take pictures while I used the bathroom (remember -- no pictures of me!).
Oh the crazy things you can take pictures of in the bathroom!!!
Today, Evan and I went to Chick-Fil-A for lunch. It's our usual lunch spot after our morning coffee with Brandi & Krissy. Today was no different. So, we're sitting there eating lunch and I had to go to the bathroom. I told the lady that we would be right back and please don't throw our things away and headed towards the bathroom.
Evan was NOT excited about leaving the playground so I could go to the bathroom. I couldn't let him stand outside the stall. As soon as I got in there, he would have hit the door running. So, I convinced him to go in the stall with me, but I had to give him a little incentive. I told him that he could take pictures of different things (NOT ME) with my phone while I went to the bathroom. I know you're probably thinking "What?!?!" I know, I know . . .
So, in the VERY short amount of time we were in there, he took pictures of the door, the lock, the lights, the toilet paper holder, his feet, and my feet. We even took a few pictures of him being REALLY silly!!!
Anyway, we're about to walk out of the stall when I hear the main bathroom door open. Right when Evan said, "Mommy, but I'm not done taking pictures! I want to take pictures of you now! CLICK!"
I wonder what that lady thought about the two of us in a stall and him saying he wasn't done taking pictures?!?! We just washed our hands and walked out. I was almost embarssed that I let my 3 year old take pictures while I used the bathroom (remember -- no pictures of me!).
Oh the crazy things you can take pictures of in the bathroom!!!
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
November 15th
Today's date . . . For some, it's one week until company arrives for Thanksgiving!! For some, today is payday!! For some, today is just Wednesday! For some, today is the day we get to play Deal or No Deal!! For some, it's an anniversary! For me, it's a birthday.
Not my birthday, not my husband's birthday, not Payton's and not Evan's birthday. It's the son that I gave up for adoption 12 years ago -- his birthday. 12 years. My goodness!! 12 years!! It seems like it was just yesterday (or maybe last week), but 12 years ago!!
I've been in some kind of "funk" lately and I couldn't really figure out why. I am living in my dream house, have an awesome husband, awesome kiddos, awesome church, etc. As I looked around me, I couldn't figure it out. Today I think I put my finger on it.
I think about him every year on his birthday (and many, many other days of the year), but why is this year different? Why does it seem to hurt more this year? Why do I feel all of those emotions that I felt 12 years ago? Why do I grieve so?
He's living in the perfect home with an awesome life. He has awesome parents and I know he is an awesome athelete. I do get to see him occassionally and he's mighty handsome!!
Today at intercessory prayer, I asked them to pray for me because I have been having chest pains (like a stick through my chest and out my back) and have been really light-headed. It hasn't scared me -- like I'm not afraid that I'm going to have a heart attack or anything. It isn't scary. . . just annoying. As they prayed for me, one of the intercessors said that she thought this was a physical manifestation of a spiritual matter. Another lady said she felt like I had a wound that I had covered up and I wouldn't let anyone near it. Kind of like when your child hurts themselves and all you want to do is clean it and make it better -- get out the infection, but they won't move their hand. It will heal, but there could still be junk in there. She said that she felt like there was a wound that I wouldn't let anyone get close to because it hurt too bad. I was holding my hand over the wound telling God to get away because it was too painful to heal.
She is right on and it didn't hit me until then. As I'm sitting here writing this, my chest is hurting. Is it because I miss him so? Is it because I'm finally grieving the "loss"? Is it because I'm finally taking my hand off of the wound to let God heal it?
I'm mad because somewhere in our million and one moves, I've lost a box that had stuff in it about him. It had a picture of him when he was just a few days old. It had letters from friends of the time. I had pictures of me in it when I was 17. I had pictures of his dad and us together. I had hoped that one day I would be able to show them to him -- prove that I did love him. Now, the box is missing. I haven't seen it for a few years now. I'm not sure where it went, but I hate that I don't have it now.
So, God, I'm taking my hand off now -- very slowly, but I trust you. I have to. Let the real healing and cleansing begin. Most of the time, I want things to be painless and that would be great, but I have a feeling this is going to take some pain to get the junk out. But, God, I'm trusting you with this. I just have to know you haven't left me and that you're going to finish this work you've started in me. Make me stronger in this! Let me be able to use this to Your glory!! Let me go through so I can be the whole me on the other side of this. I want to be the woman that you've created me to be. I want to be the children's pastor you've created me to be. I want to be whole -- like you've created me to be.
Happy birthday, J.
Not my birthday, not my husband's birthday, not Payton's and not Evan's birthday. It's the son that I gave up for adoption 12 years ago -- his birthday. 12 years. My goodness!! 12 years!! It seems like it was just yesterday (or maybe last week), but 12 years ago!!
I've been in some kind of "funk" lately and I couldn't really figure out why. I am living in my dream house, have an awesome husband, awesome kiddos, awesome church, etc. As I looked around me, I couldn't figure it out. Today I think I put my finger on it.
I think about him every year on his birthday (and many, many other days of the year), but why is this year different? Why does it seem to hurt more this year? Why do I feel all of those emotions that I felt 12 years ago? Why do I grieve so?
He's living in the perfect home with an awesome life. He has awesome parents and I know he is an awesome athelete. I do get to see him occassionally and he's mighty handsome!!
Today at intercessory prayer, I asked them to pray for me because I have been having chest pains (like a stick through my chest and out my back) and have been really light-headed. It hasn't scared me -- like I'm not afraid that I'm going to have a heart attack or anything. It isn't scary. . . just annoying. As they prayed for me, one of the intercessors said that she thought this was a physical manifestation of a spiritual matter. Another lady said she felt like I had a wound that I had covered up and I wouldn't let anyone near it. Kind of like when your child hurts themselves and all you want to do is clean it and make it better -- get out the infection, but they won't move their hand. It will heal, but there could still be junk in there. She said that she felt like there was a wound that I wouldn't let anyone get close to because it hurt too bad. I was holding my hand over the wound telling God to get away because it was too painful to heal.
She is right on and it didn't hit me until then. As I'm sitting here writing this, my chest is hurting. Is it because I miss him so? Is it because I'm finally grieving the "loss"? Is it because I'm finally taking my hand off of the wound to let God heal it?
I'm mad because somewhere in our million and one moves, I've lost a box that had stuff in it about him. It had a picture of him when he was just a few days old. It had letters from friends of the time. I had pictures of me in it when I was 17. I had pictures of his dad and us together. I had hoped that one day I would be able to show them to him -- prove that I did love him. Now, the box is missing. I haven't seen it for a few years now. I'm not sure where it went, but I hate that I don't have it now.
So, God, I'm taking my hand off now -- very slowly, but I trust you. I have to. Let the real healing and cleansing begin. Most of the time, I want things to be painless and that would be great, but I have a feeling this is going to take some pain to get the junk out. But, God, I'm trusting you with this. I just have to know you haven't left me and that you're going to finish this work you've started in me. Make me stronger in this! Let me be able to use this to Your glory!! Let me go through so I can be the whole me on the other side of this. I want to be the woman that you've created me to be. I want to be the children's pastor you've created me to be. I want to be whole -- like you've created me to be.
Happy birthday, J.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
So, Here It Is . . . Or at least part of it
So, some of you have been wondering what my current housing situation is!! (WOW! I make it sound like I have a ton of faithful readers!!)
Well, I will say that I am now living in my dream house. God did what He does best and we got the house!! It is a really forever long story and I'm going to try to write it all out this weekend, but something I've learned through the whole ordeal is that sometimes it's not about what we think it's about. God has bigger plans than our minds can wrap around. This whole thing has made me want to dream bigger.
For instance, we found the house and made an offer at what we could afford. They said no. We were $15,000 different in our offer and their counter-offer. We were patient. We sold our house and signed the papers on Oct. 9th with no definate place to go just the day before!! We moved in with Tim & Erica for 2 weeks while we waited for all the "official stuff" to be done on the house.
You know what? I'm really botching the story and it's late. Maybe I'll continue this tomorrow. . . but for now, know that we are in THE HOUSE and we are loving it!!!
Well, I will say that I am now living in my dream house. God did what He does best and we got the house!! It is a really forever long story and I'm going to try to write it all out this weekend, but something I've learned through the whole ordeal is that sometimes it's not about what we think it's about. God has bigger plans than our minds can wrap around. This whole thing has made me want to dream bigger.
For instance, we found the house and made an offer at what we could afford. They said no. We were $15,000 different in our offer and their counter-offer. We were patient. We sold our house and signed the papers on Oct. 9th with no definate place to go just the day before!! We moved in with Tim & Erica for 2 weeks while we waited for all the "official stuff" to be done on the house.
You know what? I'm really botching the story and it's late. Maybe I'll continue this tomorrow. . . but for now, know that we are in THE HOUSE and we are loving it!!!
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